10. I'M DISHONORABLE

 

Over three decades ago ...

I enlisted in the United States army in an idiotic attempt to impress a woman I was sweet on.

Turned out she wasn't even interested, yet alone impressed, with my newfound bravery and patriotism.

So instead of letting her go and serving my country with honor, like a normal human being with a functioning brain would've done ...

I purposely set out to fail and get kicked out of the army (during basic training) so I could try and win her affection, yet again, in an altogether different way.

By the time basic training came to an end ...

Even the United States Army agreed I was too big of a loser for them to rehabilitate.

The sight of me on the battlefield would only encourage our enemies I was told.

Best to go home and rethink my life.