15. I HAD A DATING CONTRACT

 

When I was single and in search of a loving wife ...

I would bring a printed copy of a dating contract I made to see if my potential boss, I mean wife, had a sense of humor.

To say most of my dates were flabbergasted after reading it would be an understatement.

A majority of them just cursed me out or rolled their eyes at me ...

Others, well, they preferred to dump their food or drink on me before leaving.

One lady even had her brother threaten to kill me.

The following was what they read:

All eligible women who would like to go on a date with me must first sign the contract below:

Handsome Paul's Dating Contract

I  ________________________  hereby declare and swear under oath, I am a natural born female at least 18 years of age or older, whom of my own free will and sane mind, willingly agree to accompany Handsome Paul on a mutually agreed upon date at a predetermined time and place of our choosing.

I  ____________________________  also agree to assume full and total financial responsibility for all costs in and of the date itself and to release Handsome Paul from any and all liability that may or may not be the direct or indirect result of our date including but not limited to nausea, vomiting, dizziness, migraine headaches, ptsd, rashes, loss of IQ, depression, hair loss, STDs, a lifetime of regret, and the sudden lack to live.

Date: ____________________________

Print Name: _____________________

Signature: _______________________

Thank you ladies and good luck to all of you!

Sincerely, Handsome Paul

P.S.

Surprisingly, I remained single for quite a long time.